


defrosting into new

by randomreasoning



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Coming Out, Coming of Age, Getting Together, Humor, M/M, Mild Angst, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-28
Updated: 2018-10-28
Packaged: 2019-08-08 21:59:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16437593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/randomreasoning/pseuds/randomreasoning
Summary: Cyrus just forgets, that's all.That TJ is or was or could be a bully. That the same guy who gave Buffy such a hard time is the same guy who works so hard to get Cyrus to like him. That a muffin winning, swing pushing, somersault coaching nice boy could also make someone sad.He forgets.





	defrosting into new

**Author's Note:**

> The timeline on this is maybe from just before the season finale and into this season? I haven't watched all the Andi Mack episodes so I'm sorry if there are things in here that don't match with canon. Thanks for reading!

Cyrus knows about bullies. The way he knows about dinosaurs, and the ozone layer, and those weird platypus that live in Australia that are some impossible mix of a duck and an otter (on a side note, he really wants a platypus). 

He hasn't  _ been _ bullied, hasn't  _ seen _ bullying (if you're not counting the news, or politics, or that cheeto other people called President) but he knows it exists. Other people live it every day.

Then he meets TJ. 

Which doesn't change anything, really. Buffy’s his best friend, she's not a liar, and if she says he’s a bully  _ he’s a bully _ . There's no ifs or buts or what abouts with bullying - you don't get to tell someone how they feel. Cyrus totally gets that, he does.

He just forgets, that's all.

That TJ is or was or could be a bully. That the same guy who gave Buffy such a hard time is the same guy who works so hard to get Cyrus to like him. That a muffin winning, swing pushing, somersault coaching  _ nice boy _ could also make someone sad.

He forgets.

“Were friends, right?” Cyrus asks when they're camped out on his mom's sofa watching  _ Stranger Things _ with the sound off. They'd both seen it already, and thought it would be funny to do their own voices.

TJ does the best Hopper.

“Donno,” TJ says with a shrug, and Cyrus kicks him.

“We're friends.”

“So why’d you ask?”

“Because friends tell each other stuff. About stuff.”

“I like stuff.”

Cyrus hates himself for laughing. “Alright, well, tell me this. You were mean to Buffy because you were scared of her, like, how you thought she was better than you at a lot of things and so you didn't want her around. Right?”

“Geez.” TJ sinks lower into his seat, and pulls his hood a little lower over his face. “I guess so. I'm glad your parents are really teaching you those shrink skills.”

“You guess so,” Cyrus repeats slowly.

“Yeah.” TJ sits up a little but doesn't look over. “Yes. I felt dumb and useless and I took it out on her.”

“But you know you're not dumb. Or useless. Or any of the bad things you thought about yourself. Right?”

“Yeah. I do now.”

It's quiet for a moment. Eleven is eating Eggos or something and the night’s sort of lost its glow. It makes all the difference, really, to hear TJ say the words out loud. He always knew it was wrong to be like that, and still made the choice to do it.

Cyrus forgives him.

“So, why’d you make friends with me? I mean, I'm extremely talented and good looking and I have a very bright future. Don't I intimidate you?”

TJ peers over from under his hood, and Cyrus is glad to see that he's smiling. It does something to his stomach that he pushes down - he's been there before with Jonah.

“You just want compliments.” 

“Always.”

TJ sits up completely now, pulling his hood down to show his fluffy, dishevelled hair. Cyrus has so much affection for him, he can't fight back a smile.

“Underdog,” he says clapping Cyrus on the shoulder. “If I looked up  _ intimidating _ in the dictionary there would be a picture of you, right there.”

“Aw, thanks Teej.”

“With the word OPPOSITE in big bold letters.”

Cyrus dumps the bowl of chips on his head.

 

_ * _

 

Cyrus has a lot of interests. They change a lot. Like how he was obsessed with space, and then global warming, and then the science behind fitting model ships into tiny bottles. They usually extend to career goals too. Engineer, no Professor, no, Doctor or Director or something ending with -ologist that will sound really impressive when he ends up on TV.

The world's his oyster, and all that.

Besides, he has the best friends in the world that accept it all with unconditional love. Who say, “tell us more,” with a little teasing, but who listen, and learn, and remember everything. Who accept him for him.

“Cy,” TJ says when he slumps down into the booth next to Cyrus. There's still a half-eaten bowl of taters on the table and he digs in. “Whatcha reading?”

“It's about Adélie Penguins,” Cyrus tells him, distracted and not looking up from the page. He's only got it on loan until the end of the day.

“Okay.”

“You know, the little ones that you see on movies and stuff.  _ Happy Feet _ ?” Cyrus does a little shuffle with his feet to prove his point.  TJ smirks.

“Oh, right.”

“They're amazing! They leave their colonies at like, two months old, and they can swim as fast as 10 miles per hour when they're hunting!  _ 10 _ !”

“Wow.”

Cyrus looks over. TJ is watching him but he's got the same expression on his face that he does at school, like he's counting down the minutes until it's over. “You're not interested. I mean, they're only at risk of extinction and need all the help they can get, but fine, don't be interested, I get it, it's not a team sport, why would you - ”

“Cyrus!” TJ grabs him by the shoulders and give him a little shake. This close, Cyrus can smell his body spray and shampoo, can feel the breath of his laughter on his neck. “I'm interested. Really.”

“Sure you are.”

TJ gives him a last little push and laughs. “Don't you have a sweater with Penguins on it?”

“Yes! I love that jumper!”

“I can tell.”

Cyrus elbows him. “You are interested!”

“I just said that I was!”

“Well, what do  _ you  _ like? It's only fair that you tell me. You know, other than basketball, and hip hop, and eating junk food when you're sad.”

TJ grins and shoves a tater in his mouth. “Um. I like to ride dirt bikes.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah?” TJ says, half amused and half confused. As if Cyrus shouldn't be amazed by all the things TJ is. 

“That's so cool! You should show me sometime.”

“You want to ride a dirt bike?”

“I didn't say that. But I could! I rode a skateboard once!”

TJ’s laugh is big and sudden, and it makes Cyrus laugh as well. He throws an arm around Cyrus’ shoulder and 

leaves it there. “Okay Tony Hawk. We'll go dirt bike riding next weekend.”

 

*

 

Cyrus doesn't want to come out. He wants people to just  _ know _ . Jonah said he didn't like labels, once, and Cyrus thinks he understands. Gay, queer, homosexual - it's a lot to decide. Besides, it's not  _ his _ decision. He knows he had a crush on Jonah, and he knows he likes the way Kyle Marsden smiles, and he knows that kissing Iris was like kissing his grandma.

He just doesn't know why he has to tell other people.

It feels like confrontation and confrontation is ugly. It makes him feel sick and sweaty and forced - and that's not how he understands feelings. If you like someone it's nice, and sweet, and warm. It's like pumpkin spice and hoodies and open fires. It's like  _ fall. _

Except when it isn't. 

“You're really quiet today,” Buffy says across their table at The Spoon. Andi’s running late as usual - wedding stuff piling up. “Huh? Yeah. I'm just tired.”

“Why? What did you do yesterday?”

“TJ took me dirt bike riding.”

“What?” Buffy says so loud that Cyrus shushes her in response. “Is he crazy?!”

“It was my idea!”

“Of course it was Cyrus,” Buffy scoffs. “That's exactly the thing you'd  _ choose _ to do.”

"It was! I thought, you know - with the swinging and the somersaults and that time he made me dive off the high board … I thought he'd want to push me out of my comfort zone a little.”

She rolls her eyes. She's accepted and befriended TJ but he's not convinced she trusts him. Maybe she never will. “I'm guessing it didn't go very well?”

“No. I tried to do a jump, and got stuck in the spokes or something and then did this little roll thing.” Cyrus flails to the side to demonstrate. “I nearly broke my leg.”

“I'll kill him!”

“No, it wasn't TJ! It was me. I was being pushy and stupid and he told me I couldn't do it so… I went and did it.”

“Pushy and stupid?” Buffy repeats slowly, like she still.  doesn't believe him. “Why?”

“I don't know!” Cyrus cries, wrenching at his hair. “It was like… like when I was trying so hard to be friends with Jonah that I couldn't think straight and became this crazy monster person without a brain.”

It's was a mess. Cyrus had never seen TJ so angry, just quiet and red faced and unable to look at him. Cyrus had tried to apologise, had tried to tell TJ that he was right - but that wasn't going to work on him. Maybe he was embarrassed in front of his friends? Maybe he just hated that Cyrus didn't do what he told him to do.

Cyrus had a Bah Mitzvah, he's a man, he doesn't have to listen to anyone!

“What?” he asks, when he realises Buffy is just sitting there and staring at him. 

“You just said you feel the same way about TJ that you did about Jonah.”

Cyrus feels his stomach suddenly leap to his throat. “No I didn't!” 

“But it's what you meant,” Buffy says, and Cyrus is having a hard time looking her in the eye. “Isn't it?”

He drops his head, tangling his fingers together.  “I'm sorry.”

“Why are you apologising?”

“I know he hasn't always been a good person, especially to you…”

“Cyrus.” Buffy gets up to come and push in next to Cyrus in the booth. “Don’t say sorry for liking someone. Not like this. You said it, TJ has changed. And he's a good friend to you. I get it.”

“You do?”

“Yes!”

Cyrus wraps her up in the tightest hug he can. He wishes it could be this easy with everyone he meets. But he knows it won't be. He's got a long way to go, and he's lucky he got to start here. “Thank you.”

 

*

 

Cyrus knows TJs family pretty well. It took him a long time to open up about them, so Cyrus thought he was embarrassed, or ashamed. Maybe they were poor, and that's why TJ had to work. Maybe they were mean, and he was afraid to tell them about the dyscalculia. Maybe they just didn't have time for him and his problems.

None of that turned out to be true though.

TJ’s mom's a Kindergarten Teacher - and that's how TJ got his job. TJ’s dad's a Professor at the local college - and that's why TJ had a hard time admitting he had trouble learning. And TJ’s sister Cloe is nine, and “the reason I need to make money so I can move out of home as soon as I'm 18, Underdog,” TJ had joked.

They were the most normal family Cyrus had ever met. Not that there was much competition when Andi’s sister was her mom, and Buffy’s mom was an active soldier, and Cyrus even had trouble remembering who is biological and step parents were.

“Your sister said to tell you you're a smelly baboon’s butt,” Cyrus says when TJ opens his bedroom door. His face doesn't change. “Also I came over because you weren't answering my calls or messages and I really needed to say sorry and that you were right and I'm sorry I didn't listen to you, or I embarrassed you, or whatever happened the other day because I really just wanted to hang out with you and your friends and not get in the way but I  _ did _ get in the way, I get in the way a lot, I'm sorry.”

TJ blinks a few times but doesn't speak. He just turns around to go back into his room, leaving the door open. Cyrus follows him in. It's a simple space, light and open. There's a bed in the corner, a desk, a few posters here and there of his favourite bands that Cyrus has never heard of. Still, he’s always felt at home here.

“What're you doing?” Cyrus asks as he sits on the edge of the bed. TJ’s at his computer, typing away. 

“Essay.”

“Are you going to talk to me?”

TJ doesn't. 

“I know you're mad. I totally understand. I'll leave if you want me to. I just thought that if I came and talked about what happened we could try again, or something. Do something else with your friends that I won't epically fail at.”

“You don't get it!”

“Then tell me,” Cyrus says softly, because TJ is always ready for an argument and Cyrus won't let it happen.

“You said you wanted  _ me _ to show you, you wanted to know about  _ my _ life, but then you ran off with Evan and the others to try and prove something, or act tough, or,or, I don't know!”

Cyrus can't argue. He ducks his head and mumbles, “You said I couldn't do it,” which even sounds stupid to him.

“I said you  _ shouldn't _ .  Oh, and what happened?” TJ is using his I'm Mocking You and I'm Not Trying To Hide It voice. “Cyrus nearly got his leg chopped off because he didn't care what TJ thought he was gonna do it anyway. What a surprise!”

“I did care what you thought! That's why I tried to do it!"

“That doesn't make sense.”

Cyrus bobs his knee anxiously. How does he tell TJ things without giving it all away. Why does he keep torturing himself like this? “You're always telling me to try things and making me push myself. So when you said I needed to stay off the track I was worried you thought I wasn't good enough, or that I couldn't fit in, or…”

TJ is looking at him like he just grew another head. “Why would you think that?”

“Because  _ I'm _ the baboons butt! That's why! Your sister has it all wrong!” 

TJ let's out a small laugh but he's shaking his head. His chair is turned right around now, and he's rolled in closer. “You're not. I … I was worried too. That you liked them better, that you would get hurt…”

They look at each other for a moment that seems to stretch forever. Cyrus is almost stupid enough to think,  _ is this? _ , before TJ is suddenly looking away and turning back to his computer.

“I have to finish this.”

“Okay.” Cyrus knows a brush off when he hears one. He gets up. “Are we good?”

“Yeah. We're good.”  

Cyrus gets to the door and stops, because he knows they can't leave it here, and he hopes, stupidly, that it's more like a beginning.

“Andi’s grandma is having a party next weekend. You should come. I'll send you the info.”

TJ looks over. His shoulders are hunched, but he smiles. “Okay.”

“ Great. See you at school.”

 

*

 

Cyrus hates that he used to be jealous of Andi. The same girl who had her life turned on its head not once, or twice, but so many times. The girl who never stopped forgiving people, even when it hurt. The girl that embraced him when Cyrus admitted he had feelings for her boyfriend. Not boyfriend. Whatever they were.

Mostly, Cyrus just hates jealousy.

It happened with Jonah and now it's happening again. TJ smiling and laughing with Buffy and Walker and Jonah - he's even been giving more attention to  _ Bowie _ then he has to Cyrus. Cyrus can't help the sick feeling in his guts. And they've been good, he thinks. Laughing about TJ’s dog and an incident with a box of raisins. TJ teasing Cyrus about how much he loves  _ Steven Universe. _

They're good.

“Cy.” TJ finds Cyrus hiding outside, sitting next to him on the back step and knocking their knees together. “You okay?”

“Yeah. I'm fine.” 

“Maybe you should tell your face that.”

Cyrus scoffs, knocking his arm into TJ gently. “Idiot.”

“Really, dude. Why are you out here?”

“I just needed some air, that's all.”

“Buffy was looking for you,” TJ tells him, and it makes his stomach turn.

“Buffy was,” he repeats, because of course she was. “Right.”

“Hey.” TJ puts a hand on Cyrus’ shoulder, giving him a little shake. They meet each other's eyes at last and Cyrus almost can't handle  it. “I was looking for you too.”

“Really? Because you don't seem to be that interested in talking to me tonight.”

TJ takes his hand back. “That's not true.”

“ _ It is _ . Are you still mad at me? Why would you come to this party if you didn't want to see me? Why would you pretend to want to be a part of this if you're just going to - ”

“Cyrus,” TJ says suddenly, and then he's grabbing one of Cyrus’ hands to hold in his own. It's soft and warm and makes Cyrus stop talking. It makes him stop altogether. “I'm sorry, okay. It's just hard to talk to you when there's so many people around. It feels weird.”

Cyrus is still focused on their hands. TJ stretches his fingers out, locking them together. Cyrus knows this means something. He knows friends don't do this. Boys don't do this. “What?”

“Cyrus. I …” TJ looks down at their hands.  He brushes his thumb back and forth over Cyrus’ skin. “I like you a lot.”

“ _ You do _ ?”

Cyrus watches a smile slowly creep onto TJ’s face. “Yeah. I have for a while.”

“Wow.”

“I got so worried about you that day at the track that I turned it into anger. I'm good at that.”

“Worried about what? That I'd get hurt?”

“Yeah. Or that you'd like my friends better than me. Or you'd hate the bike so much you wouldn't go back. Lots of things, I don't know.”

Now it's Cyrus’ turn to smile. “I thought I was the one thinking things that didn't make sense?”

“You were,” TJ teases, pulling Cyrus a little closer by the hand he's still got a hold of. “But I was too.”

They sit like that for a while, huddled close. Cyrus glances at TJ’s face then away, the two of them laughing quietly at each other “TJ. You should know,” Cyrus says, not meeting his eyes. “I feel the same. I like you a lot too.”

“I hoped you'd say that.”

TJ takes his hand away, to curl an arm around Cyrus’ shoulder. Then their hands meet again, fingers tangled and legs pressed together and Cyrus’ head dipped, onto TJ’s shoulder. It's so warm. Nice.

He's falling.

 

*

 

Cyrus has another perfect day. It's a November day, and he's with TJ, and things just slowly fall into place. They eat at The Spoon, then TJ takes him to his favourite arcade, then they find this cool book store and TJ buys Cyrus a book about the Antarctic. They have milkshakes and Cyrus reads TJ a chapter from his book before they end up in an old record store and TJ gets a Drake EP - which doesn't mean anything to Cyrus.

Cyrus will never tell the girls, but he thinks it might be the most perfect day yet.

“ _ So, _ ” Cyrus starts to say, and he's been holding onto the words all day. They decided to end the day back at the spoon, like a full circle. “Was this a date?”

TJ laughs and for just one second Cyrus worries. “Yes! Wasn't it?”

“Yes,” Cyrus murmurs shyly, ducking his head to his straw. “But I mean, we didn't say the words, and the words are kind of important you know, just so everyone is clear and no one thinks, oh we’re just hanging out, it's just a normal day, whatever.”

“You're never normal,” TJ teases, and Cyrus kicks him under the table. Their feet stay crossed together. “But, Underdog, if it makes you feel better, next time I'll say the word.”

“It does make me feel better,” Cyrus goes along, sitting up with his shoulders back and pursing his lips. “I also require you to pick me up from my home and buy me a box of chocolates and give me one of those flower thingies for my jacket.”

“A corsage?” TJ asks with his brow raised, but he's obviously amused.

“That's it, a corsage. Blue, because I look good in blue."

Before TJ can reply - he's probably going to make a silly comment on Cyrus’ Smurfs shirt no one likes - Andi’s plopping down beside him saying, “Hi,Cyrus!” 

“Oh, hi!” Cyrus squeezes back, watching as Jonah arrives too, doing some bro-type handshake with TJ. Cyrus will never forget the story Jonah told him about how TJ helped him during his first panic attack. He'll never forget how it made him feel.

“Hey TJ. What are you two doing?”

“Oh, just.” Cyrus looks at TJ who's got a closed off expression, playing with his straw. “Getting a drink. Sharing our sadness that there's a measly six hours left of our weekend.”

“Oh, man,” Jonah groans, dropping his head onto the table. “Thanks for the reminder.”

They stay for a little while, and TJ starts to relax. And even though it feels like their little bubble has been popped, Cyrus likes the idea of it. The four of them hanging out as friends. TJ being a part of this world. With Cyrus.

“Do they know?” TJ asks when the others have left. “About...”

Cyrus knows what he's asking. “Andi does. And Buffy.” 

TJ just nods. He's closed off again, his mouth twisting around like he wants to say something but won't. Cyrus hopes he isn't crossing a line when he asks, 

“What about you?”

“No. No one.”

“It's okay, Teej,” Cyrus tells him, giving his foot a little nudge again. “You don't have to … you don't owe anyone. You can take as long as you want to figure it out.”

“You don't care?” TJ asks, looking up at Cyrus finally.

“No! I'm not really ready for all that either. I don't think. I just know I like you and I had the best day today.”

“Me too. And… you can tell them if you want. Andi and Buffy. I know they won't say anything.”

“I don't have to. It's okay.”

“Well.” TJ shrugs. There's a hint of a smile. “If you want to.”

Their feet stay trapped together, and they swap drinks again to share, and TJ finally says something about Cyrus’ Smurf shirt that makes him laugh out loud.

He feels so happy.

It would be nice to share it.

 

*

 

Cyrus takes a long time working it out. His crush on Jonah disappeared around the same time he was making friends with TJ. Which could have meant a lot of things. He loved Jonah in a different way, the way he loved Andi and Buffy. Or he was growing up, and moving on, and understanding himself better.

Or he knew back then that TJ was the one for him.

Like a lot of things, he didn't need to figure it out right away. He didn't need to figure anything out. Except his stupid chem homework. And his Key Lime Pie recipe for Home Ec. Or how to get everything he needs for the day to fit into his locker. That stuff seemed a lot more urgent.

“Can you believe I only got eight signatures for my Save the Antarctic project today?!” is how Cyrus greets TJ when he comes over. TJ just follows him through the house as he keeps going. “I think I should wear the penguin costume. I mean, I was trying to keep it on some level of professional, but people think penguins are cute right? I mean, serious stuff, people don't like to hear about it, but cute penguins? They'd go for that, right?”

“You think you'd make a cute penguin?” TJ teases, putting his jacket on the back of a kitchen stool. Cyrus rolls his eyes. 

“Of course I would. You  _ know _ I would.”

“Okay, okay, you got me.”

Cyrus gets them both a soda from the fridge, still ear bashing TJ with the issue. The principal had loved Cyrus’ idea for sponsoring some wildlife, and incorporating the issue into a school-wide project - but he wanted to see some interest.

How was Cyrus supposed to convince teenagers that there was more going on in the world than their own lives? Even he had trouble remembering.

Especially when TJ was around.

“Uh, so I have to tell you something,” TJ says when Cyrus stops talking to catch his breath. It sounds a lot like  _ we need to talk _ , and it makes Cyrus’ whole body cold.

“Oh no, is it serious? Did I do something? It's not about the grapefruit again is it, because I swear I didn't know,  I had no idea.”

“Cy, stop, no. It's not about that.” TJ reaches to take Cyrus’ hand. He does it a lot when he's stressed, or nervous, like it helps him. Cyrus still can't believe someone could like him that much. “I told my family that I'm dating a boy.”

“ _ What _ ?”

“Yeah. I didn't tell them it was you or anything. I just … I wanted them to know.”

“Wow.” Cyrus squeezes his hand. “That's amazing TJ. That's  _ so _ amazing.”

“Yeah.” TJ lets out a breath and smiles. “It felt good.”

“How did it go?

“Good. I think. They asked a lot of questions that I couldn't really answer,” TJ catches the look on Cyrus’ face and quickly adds, “Not about you, about me. About if it meant I was … you know…”

Cyrus knows. All those labels. “Yeah. And you don't have to answer.”

“I know. And they didn't force me to.”

“Good.” Cyrus can't fight the urge to throw himself across the sofa for a hug. He wraps his arms around TJ as much as he can, rocking them back and forth. “I'm so happy for you.”

“It was because of you.”

Cyrus pulls back enough to meet TJ’s eyes. “What do you mean?”

“You. You're...I've never met anyone like you. If it wasn't for you I wouldn't have gotten help for my math. I wouldn't have played basketball, or made up with Buffy, or started to like myself again.”

“TJ.”

“It's true, Cy. You're the first person who  _ saw _ me.  _ Properly _ . So. Thank you.”

Cyrus knows there's tears in his eyes. He's doing everything he can to hold them back. He wants to say so much too, he wants TJ to know he feels the same and more. But his words are gone.

“Underdog,” TJ says softly, smiling, and the hand that's always in his is now against his face. 

TJ’s mouth is a lot softer than he'd imagined. Slower and gentler, like it doesn't plan to stop any time soon. Cyrus brings his own hand up to clasp at TJ’S wrist, kissing back.

This is nothing like kissing his grandma.

“Do that again,” Cyrus says when TJ pulls away, and they laugh.

TJ does.

 

*

 

Cyrus will have another perfect day.

It won't be anything special. Just a normal day, in a normal place, where everyone knows him completely.

All his friends, and all his family, and TJ, holding his hand.


End file.
